A Lesson From Mommy: Live

I thought that things like this get better with time

But I still need you, why is that?

You're the only image in my mind

So I still see you... around 

- I Miss You by Beyonce 

Tomorrow my mother would have turned 54 years old. Sometimes, I try to image how life would be if she was still here. I know during my darkest hours is when I miss her the most. The times when I feel like no one understands me, I know she would. Times where I feel that the world has turned against me, I know she wouldn't have. After 6 years of not having her around, I still feel as if I need her. When I see my friends with there mothers, it’s a constant reminder of what I don’t have. But I try to stay positive. I had her in my life for a good 19 years... and for that, I am grateful. Some people never got the chance to meet their mother. 

Now that I am beginning womanhood, I find myself repeating many sayings that my mother would often quote. When going through difficult times, I wonder what advice she would give me. I think about what other memories we could have shared. I do thank God for placing wonderful women in my life... My Grandmother, Aunt Carol, Tante Choupette, Tante Phoebe, Tante Gisele, Claudette, Tante Junie and Mrs. Inge... and these woman have helped fill a void in my life.

The funny thing is, the greatest lesson my mother thought me was not when she was alive but after her passing. After my mother died I felt like I had to grow up over night. I became more family oriented, appreciated things that I took for guaranteed before and I strived for a closer relationship with God. Sometimes it takes great sorrow and heartbreak to teach you how to truly love. Life is a gift. Life is short. If people didn't die, people wouldn’t appreciate life. 

This is a cliché saying but if you really sit and think about it, you see that it has profund meaning: You only have one life to live. So how will you spend it? With only one life to live, you might as well be confident… be brave… be happy… be loving… be patient… be kind. I am sure if my mother could come back she would tell me to live.

I am pursing happiness.