Adam & Steve

Disclaimer: My views are a lot different now.I wrote this blog a few years ago when I was more religious. I no longer see things as "sin". And to be honest... who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? As long as it is between two able-minded consenting adults... do what feels right in your heart. 



Why they mad tho?

It seems like homosexuals are public enemy number one these days. And it’s in due time. Every ‘minority’ group will have their turn in the lime light, and it looks like homosexuals are on center stage. You would think THE GAYS were the reason taxes where increasing the way some people hate them... Like 'GAY' did something to them personally. And what's the motive behind this entire pillory? Many people would point to the good book. Is the Holy Bible the reason why people hate gays? It reminds me of slavery and how slave holders used some scriptures in the bible to justify their actions. Should a believer of Christ ignite makebate? 

The pharisaic SELF-RIGHTEOUS have the most to say about THE GAYS. As an active reader of the bible, I have seen it written that a man should not lay with another man (Leviticus 18:22), and that it is an abomination. This goes into the dialogue of whether one sin is greater than another… Some believe that sin is imponderable. In my humble opinion, there is severity in certain sins and by labeling homosexuality as an abomination is to say that this sin is more severe than others. Webster dictionary defines an abomination as extreme disgust and hatred. On the contrary  I may be mistaken, but I was always under the impression that God hates all sin whether it was labeled an abomination or not. And technically… the bible doesn't say that a man liking a man is a sin, but rather, it states that a man lying with another man is a sin. So actually, gays aren't sinning unless they are actually having sexual relations. So what about a woman lying with another woman? Is this too a sin? The bible doesn't distinctly mention ‘women’… so should we assume that when it says ‘a man shall not lay with another man’ that women are included?

Whether you believe homosexuality is a sin or not, it is up to you. However, if you read the bible it says that it is. Now, is this the reason why people hate THE GAYS; because they are sinning? We all are sinners. He without sin cast the first stone (John 8:7). I believe that people need to hate something in order to help them feel better about themselves. You have your insular people that hate blacks, Jews, Latinos, and the list goes on. They hate what’s different; what they don’t understand. Presumably it is because these minority groups pose a threat to what they would consider uncontaminated. They have their image of a picture perfect world... the American Dream... and it doesn't include what many 'minority' groups have to offer. They can hate you without knowing you as an individual, and this is the definition of bigotry.

All the sinning in this world and homosexuality gets singled out. And so many people have their theories as to why people are gay. They have every pastor debating whether they are born that way and if they can change. I, for one, can never speak on this subject because I am not gay. And I don’t think anyone who isn't gay should speak on behalf of the gay community unless he has a PhD and has done extensive research. Being gay isn't some impetuous choice for most… but rather a feeling that I believe gays initially battle with before they learn to accept their true feelings.

You can’t force someone to believe what you believe. The bible means nothing to someone who is atheist. So to deny them their right to marry based off of the bible is denying them their rights as human beings with out probable cause. You cannot force someone towards salvation. You can’t make someone follow the law of God. Who is God to a non-believer? God gave us free will and with this free will we make our own decisions. And I personally don’t care for the government’s exploitation of the bible when it’s convenient for them, because every other circumstance they prefer to separate church and state. And if the bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman… let THE GAYS have a civil union. The same thing as a marriage, just called something different. The SELF RIGHTEOUS should not have a problem with that, since it would no longer be called marriage. Their biggest argument is that the bible defines a marriage as a union between man and woman... Therefore the state should define a civil union as the union between a man and a man.

There are more gay people in this world than you may think. So many people will die and never let anyone know that they are gay. Some people live a double life... And I am sure that the propensity is due to the backlash and fear of being ostracized that they may anticipate. It’s sad because people use the bible when it’s conveniently justifies their actions. But when Jesus came he stressed the importance of loving one another. We shouldn't judge. Because you may hate your neighbor that’s gay but in your own home your son may be gay and you wouldn't even know it. Condemning someone because they are homosexual is too easy. Condemn yourself for the hate dwelling within your heart. Our hearts should be filled with love not hate. 

Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man. (John 8:15)

They say ‘hate the sin and love the person’… but it should really be ‘love the person and hate your own sin’. How can you take the plank out of someone else’s eye when you have a piece of wood in your own eye? I could only imagine what homosexuals have to endure every day. The pain and hurt they have to endure just because they desire the same sex. It’s not up to us to judge or to declare what human rights they should not have. They deserve ataraxia. God will judge us all accordingly at the end.

A Lesson From Mommy: Live

I thought that things like this get better with time

But I still need you, why is that?

You're the only image in my mind

So I still see you... around 

- I Miss You by Beyonce 

Tomorrow my mother would have turned 54 years old. Sometimes, I try to image how life would be if she was still here. I know during my darkest hours is when I miss her the most. The times when I feel like no one understands me, I know she would. Times where I feel that the world has turned against me, I know she wouldn't have. After 6 years of not having her around, I still feel as if I need her. When I see my friends with there mothers, it’s a constant reminder of what I don’t have. But I try to stay positive. I had her in my life for a good 19 years... and for that, I am grateful. Some people never got the chance to meet their mother. 

Now that I am beginning womanhood, I find myself repeating many sayings that my mother would often quote. When going through difficult times, I wonder what advice she would give me. I think about what other memories we could have shared. I do thank God for placing wonderful women in my life... My Grandmother, Aunt Carol, Tante Choupette, Tante Phoebe, Tante Gisele, Claudette, Tante Junie and Mrs. Inge... and these woman have helped fill a void in my life.

The funny thing is, the greatest lesson my mother thought me was not when she was alive but after her passing. After my mother died I felt like I had to grow up over night. I became more family oriented, appreciated things that I took for guaranteed before and I strived for a closer relationship with God. Sometimes it takes great sorrow and heartbreak to teach you how to truly love. Life is a gift. Life is short. If people didn't die, people wouldn’t appreciate life. 

This is a cliché saying but if you really sit and think about it, you see that it has profund meaning: You only have one life to live. So how will you spend it? With only one life to live, you might as well be confident… be brave… be happy… be loving… be patient… be kind. I am sure if my mother could come back she would tell me to live.

I am pursing happiness.

Limerence

Updated 12/3/2014 

If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. If you haven't seriously thought about killing a motherfucker, you ain't been in love. If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain't been in love. If you haven't bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain't been in love. If you haven't practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain't been in love. And the only thing that's stopped you from killing this motherfucker was a episode of CSI: "Oh man, they thorough. I better make up. They might catch my ass."

- Chris Rock

UNREQUITED LOVE... 

Love by itself can cause people to do crazy things [and in some cases... people actually go CRAZY]. Now, try adding rejection in the mix of love... Oh... What a tangled web we weave. To love someone and not have the feeling reciprocated; the feeling of unrequited love is unavoidable, and the feeling is quite devastating. So what’s wrong with experiencing unrequited love other than the fact that it leads to depression, anxiety, and insecurities? Why is it that in order to truly love someone, the feeling must be mutual? You would look a bit psycho cathecting someone who has made it clear that they do not share the same feelings. How about when the feeling is mutual... if you could measure love, how likely is it that you would find two individuals that are in love with each other share the exact amount of love for one another? Love is selfish, is it not? Love is also needy. For one to say love isn't needy, well… that would be specious because love needs love in return. Love needs expressions of love and words of love in return. And without the indication that the love you have for someone is requited, one would either fall out of love or be encouraged to do so.

Limerence, a term coined by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is considered as a cognitive and emotional state of being emotionally attached or even obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings - a near-obsessive form of romantic love (Wikipedia 2012). So when you are up late night creeping on Facebook, looking through his/her photos, rereading old text messages or emails, checking your phone to make sure it’s ‘working’ just in case the person tries to call, constantly replaying a scene in your head from your last encounter with the person… or even fantasizing about your next rendezvous... well... Those actions can be associated with limerence. This is a form of obsessing. It may not be quite the fatal attraction but nonetheless, it’s an [mild] obsession. 

The main concept of limerence is that the love is unrequited. You are infatuated with someone who does not want you in return. And being as dysfunctional as humans are, we tend to want something more when we can’t have it. In my humble opinion, limerence reveals more than just your desire to be with someone who doesn't want you. It also reveals the way you feel about yourself. I have been there... consistently day dreaming about someone that I knew I could never have (and its unhealthy to say the least). But what limerence really reveals is the way you feel about yourself. During those times in my life where I found myself infatuated with someone who had shown little interest in me, I would have had to say that I was lonely. I lacked self-confidence. I allowed myself to fall into this land of self-pity where my only rescue from the troubles of my life would come from this single person... this single person that did not want me. 

First and foremost Limerence is, a condition of cognitive obsession. Someone experiencing limerence tends to emphasize what is admirable in their desired partner and tend to avoid any negative or problematic attributes that the person may have. Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. The components of limerence include intrusive thinking and fantasy, fear of rejection, hope, physical side effects, and sexuality.
"Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning. Such excessive concern over trivia may not be entirely unfounded, however. Body language can indicate a return of feeling. What the limerent object said and did is recalled with vividness. Alternative meanings of those behaviors recalled are searched out. Each word and gesture is permanently available for review, especially those interpreted as evidence in favor of "return of feeling." When objects, people, places or situations are encountered with the limerent object, they are vividly remembered, especially if the limerent object 'interacted' with them in some way.

[Side note: Tennov suggested that the only cure for being in love is to get indisputable evidence that the target of one's love is not interested.]

I think it's very important to reevaluate yourself, your state of mind, and the person you are infatuated with when experiencing limerence. You could be lonely and longing for someone to be in your life... this person may possess a few qualities that you would ideally want to have in your significant other which may cause you to put this person on a pedestal. You are more caught up with the 'idea of having this person' rather than the reality of things. You get caught up in qualities that this person possess, rather than the person himself/herself. 

I over looked many of his 'bad qualities' because I was so wrapped up in the idea of 'us'.

Regardless if the person’s behavior demonstrates that they do not want to be with you... you begin to filter through their words and actions and cling on to any subtle gesture that would suggest that they may be romantically interested. As aforementioned, it's important to exam yourself during this time and to better understand what state of mind you are in when this is going on. Self-love, self-confidence and your self-respect may need to be fine-tuned. You’re worth it, and if that person can't see it, why continue to waste your time?

Even when dealing with uncertainty [rather than unrequited love], remember that love isn't uncertain. So if someone is sending you mix singles, it would be best to walk away from the situation until the person can determine what they want. If someone loves you, it shouldn't be a feeling of uncertainty in the mist of things. From my own experiences, I've learned to not 'read between the lines' when dating (or attempting to date someone). Things should be straight forward. Things should happen naturally. I've always left relationships with a broken heart when I tried to force the feeling of LOVE. Love is not forced, coerced, or confusing, but rather crystal clear.

I must admit, I experience limerence from time to time when I meet someone that appears to be TO GOOD TO BE TRUE [which they usually are]. However, the first step is admitting you have a problem!