Vanity Fair

Mirror, mirror…on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?

Well, who is the fairest? People Magazine recently published their 2012 Most Beautiful Women issue. And you wouldn’t be surprised to find out what women were in the running. These women are usually canonized in the media for their good looks and unblemished bodies. And even if they are not as beautiful as the plastic surgery, airbrush, and make up would portray… These women create America’s ‘standard of beauty’.

The media is to blame for our current conception of beauty.  Actually, we are responsible for our own perception of beauty. Haven’t you heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? With all human beings having their differences in size, shape, color and so forth, how did we develop what was considered beautiful overall? It could be possible that media has influenced our perception of beauty, but I think the media has been a scapegoat for quite some time. We have to remember that the media is similar to a corporation; supply and demand. Give the people what they want. And if the people want skinny, flat stomachs, long hair and blue eyes… they WILL give you just that. At the end of the day, they are trying to sell magazines… and we’re apparently buying them.

At some point you have to stop pointing the finger at the ‘media’ and admit to yourself that you also may find those typical features represented in magazines as beautiful. Looking at myself, for years I covered my natural hair with 14 inches on Indian Hair because I felt like it enhanced my look. I still think I look better with long, straight, dark hair although my natural hair is quite the opposite. But who’s to blame for this European complex? I would cover up my need for weave by saying ‘I like having different looks’ or ‘I don’t like doing my real hair’. When the truth was, I didn't know how to do my own hair, because I was always running from it. I didn't think my natural hair was beautiful. I was seeking maximum beauty potential and weave did that for me. Yeah, I’m cute with coily hair… but it was something about that long, straight, dark brown hair following in the wind that made me feel beautiful.

With plastic surgery becoming more acceptable, people are completely willing to change themselves to fit the standard of beauty. This is what I would consider a First World Problem; we see where our priorities lie as citizens in America. We don’t have to worry about our next meal, or shelter over our heads, so we worry about more arbitrary things… like ‘is my butt too big?’ For example, I know for sure, there isn’t a woman in America who hasn’t been concerned about her weight. Rightfully so! It’s important to be healthy. But these obsessions with beauty aren’t motivated by health, but rather meeting a standard. We are using someone else’s measuring stick to measure ourselves. 

WHO’S MEASURING STICK ARE YOU GOING TO USE TO MEASURE YOURSELF?

If only we were more concerned with changing our insides, rather than what is visible on the outside. If it were the option of beauty vs heart, beauty would win every time. And at the end of the day, this alteration of self is done to please others. To be considered beautiful amongst your peers. It’s a good feeling to be desired. To have someone tell you that you are the most beautiful women in the room… but where is the heart in that? Beauty (not considering weight) is something given to you… you didn’t have to work hard to be beautiful… it just so happened that way… some were born with good looks and some had to purchase it. GOOD GENES or GOOD DOCS. But a good heart, that requires a bit more than inheritance. 

It could be possible that the next generation of young women will be dealing with insecurities as a learned behavior. I remember growing up and hearing older woman complain about their bodies and what they didn’t like. I felt like this was their way of acknowledging the elephant in the room, even when there was no elephant to be acknowledged. It’s a defense mechanism. There have been times where I would have a blemish on my face and believed that everyone I encountered that day was looking directly at my blemish. So, in order to acknowledge the ‘elephant’ in the room, I would mention the blemish on my face casually. Usually the person on the receiving end would respond with ‘I didn’t notice it… but now that you've said something, I can see it.’ They didn’t notice it until I brought it to their attention. Which reminds me of the saying ‘You are your biggest critic’. We over analyze our bodies and at times, we make up problems that do not really exist.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a psychiatric term for a person who exaggerates a problem with their body to the point of delusion. They might perceive a minor flaw as a hideous disfigurement, and become fixated on it. According to Hullet, a cosmetic procedure may expose an existing issue or possibly even trigger one. ‘They develop a new obsession’ he says. ‘They get the nose fixed, and then it’s the eyebrows. They fix the eyebrows, and then it’s the ears. The perceived abnormality keeps moving.

What we aren’t cognizant about is that from puberty to the age of 18, children are especially vulnerable to body image issues, says psychiatrist Hullet. If they don’t fully understand the reasons and observe a family member take the drastic step of an invasive surgery, they may learn a skewed lesson about the importance of appearance. A teenage girl who sees her mother undergo a breast augmentation, for example, may then view her own small breasts as deficient or unattractive, affecting her confidence or future behavior. Plastic surgery doesn’t change your genes, so it’s likely that your children will have the same (or a close resemblance) physical features that the parent may have considered ‘abnormal’. So, how does a parent tell their child that their nose is beautiful, after they had plastic surgery on their own nose?

And plastic surgery isn’t a walk in the park… which is why I don’t understand why so many people opt to do it. When you go under the knife to alter your appearance, your body goes through trauma. Serious physical complications like any surgery, it is a major stresser to the body and needs to be taken seriously," says surgeon Wallace. "People think it's like going out to lunch." Many may not be prepared for a lengthy recuperation that entails fatigue, swelling and scarring, or are not thoughtful about the potential risks, like damaged nerves, infection or bleeding. There is also psychological trauma. Frequently have unrealistic expectations and become deeply disappointed if the result isn't "perfect," even if it is an improvement.

It’s understandable to be concerned about your appearance. You appearance tells people a story about you without using words. But the obsession of ones appearance is the line drawn, indicating an unhealthy perception of self. Struggling with my own insecurities, I decided to let it go. I have been living with my body for 26 years… it’s about damn time I start loving it since it isn’t going anywhere. I considered cosmetic surgery… but I knew that would be the definition of vanity. I truly believe that God didn’t give us this body on earth to be BEAUTIFUL (although it is a plus). This body is a vessel, temporarily loaned to us during our tenor on earth. Our focus should be on mankind, loving our neighbor and becoming the best person we can be. 

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

Recommended reading and source of quotes used in this article was taken from: http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2011/06/16/hidden-dangers-of-cosmetic-surgery/

Adam & Steve

Disclaimer: My views are a lot different now.I wrote this blog a few years ago when I was more religious. I no longer see things as "sin". And to be honest... who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? As long as it is between two able-minded consenting adults... do what feels right in your heart. 



Why they mad tho?

It seems like homosexuals are public enemy number one these days. And it’s in due time. Every ‘minority’ group will have their turn in the lime light, and it looks like homosexuals are on center stage. You would think THE GAYS were the reason taxes where increasing the way some people hate them... Like 'GAY' did something to them personally. And what's the motive behind this entire pillory? Many people would point to the good book. Is the Holy Bible the reason why people hate gays? It reminds me of slavery and how slave holders used some scriptures in the bible to justify their actions. Should a believer of Christ ignite makebate? 

The pharisaic SELF-RIGHTEOUS have the most to say about THE GAYS. As an active reader of the bible, I have seen it written that a man should not lay with another man (Leviticus 18:22), and that it is an abomination. This goes into the dialogue of whether one sin is greater than another… Some believe that sin is imponderable. In my humble opinion, there is severity in certain sins and by labeling homosexuality as an abomination is to say that this sin is more severe than others. Webster dictionary defines an abomination as extreme disgust and hatred. On the contrary  I may be mistaken, but I was always under the impression that God hates all sin whether it was labeled an abomination or not. And technically… the bible doesn't say that a man liking a man is a sin, but rather, it states that a man lying with another man is a sin. So actually, gays aren't sinning unless they are actually having sexual relations. So what about a woman lying with another woman? Is this too a sin? The bible doesn't distinctly mention ‘women’… so should we assume that when it says ‘a man shall not lay with another man’ that women are included?

Whether you believe homosexuality is a sin or not, it is up to you. However, if you read the bible it says that it is. Now, is this the reason why people hate THE GAYS; because they are sinning? We all are sinners. He without sin cast the first stone (John 8:7). I believe that people need to hate something in order to help them feel better about themselves. You have your insular people that hate blacks, Jews, Latinos, and the list goes on. They hate what’s different; what they don’t understand. Presumably it is because these minority groups pose a threat to what they would consider uncontaminated. They have their image of a picture perfect world... the American Dream... and it doesn't include what many 'minority' groups have to offer. They can hate you without knowing you as an individual, and this is the definition of bigotry.

All the sinning in this world and homosexuality gets singled out. And so many people have their theories as to why people are gay. They have every pastor debating whether they are born that way and if they can change. I, for one, can never speak on this subject because I am not gay. And I don’t think anyone who isn't gay should speak on behalf of the gay community unless he has a PhD and has done extensive research. Being gay isn't some impetuous choice for most… but rather a feeling that I believe gays initially battle with before they learn to accept their true feelings.

You can’t force someone to believe what you believe. The bible means nothing to someone who is atheist. So to deny them their right to marry based off of the bible is denying them their rights as human beings with out probable cause. You cannot force someone towards salvation. You can’t make someone follow the law of God. Who is God to a non-believer? God gave us free will and with this free will we make our own decisions. And I personally don’t care for the government’s exploitation of the bible when it’s convenient for them, because every other circumstance they prefer to separate church and state. And if the bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman… let THE GAYS have a civil union. The same thing as a marriage, just called something different. The SELF RIGHTEOUS should not have a problem with that, since it would no longer be called marriage. Their biggest argument is that the bible defines a marriage as a union between man and woman... Therefore the state should define a civil union as the union between a man and a man.

There are more gay people in this world than you may think. So many people will die and never let anyone know that they are gay. Some people live a double life... And I am sure that the propensity is due to the backlash and fear of being ostracized that they may anticipate. It’s sad because people use the bible when it’s conveniently justifies their actions. But when Jesus came he stressed the importance of loving one another. We shouldn't judge. Because you may hate your neighbor that’s gay but in your own home your son may be gay and you wouldn't even know it. Condemning someone because they are homosexual is too easy. Condemn yourself for the hate dwelling within your heart. Our hearts should be filled with love not hate. 

Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man. (John 8:15)

They say ‘hate the sin and love the person’… but it should really be ‘love the person and hate your own sin’. How can you take the plank out of someone else’s eye when you have a piece of wood in your own eye? I could only imagine what homosexuals have to endure every day. The pain and hurt they have to endure just because they desire the same sex. It’s not up to us to judge or to declare what human rights they should not have. They deserve ataraxia. God will judge us all accordingly at the end.

A Lesson From Mommy: Live

I thought that things like this get better with time

But I still need you, why is that?

You're the only image in my mind

So I still see you... around 

- I Miss You by Beyonce 

Tomorrow my mother would have turned 54 years old. Sometimes, I try to image how life would be if she was still here. I know during my darkest hours is when I miss her the most. The times when I feel like no one understands me, I know she would. Times where I feel that the world has turned against me, I know she wouldn't have. After 6 years of not having her around, I still feel as if I need her. When I see my friends with there mothers, it’s a constant reminder of what I don’t have. But I try to stay positive. I had her in my life for a good 19 years... and for that, I am grateful. Some people never got the chance to meet their mother. 

Now that I am beginning womanhood, I find myself repeating many sayings that my mother would often quote. When going through difficult times, I wonder what advice she would give me. I think about what other memories we could have shared. I do thank God for placing wonderful women in my life... My Grandmother, Aunt Carol, Tante Choupette, Tante Phoebe, Tante Gisele, Claudette, Tante Junie and Mrs. Inge... and these woman have helped fill a void in my life.

The funny thing is, the greatest lesson my mother thought me was not when she was alive but after her passing. After my mother died I felt like I had to grow up over night. I became more family oriented, appreciated things that I took for guaranteed before and I strived for a closer relationship with God. Sometimes it takes great sorrow and heartbreak to teach you how to truly love. Life is a gift. Life is short. If people didn't die, people wouldn’t appreciate life. 

This is a cliché saying but if you really sit and think about it, you see that it has profund meaning: You only have one life to live. So how will you spend it? With only one life to live, you might as well be confident… be brave… be happy… be loving… be patient… be kind. I am sure if my mother could come back she would tell me to live.

I am pursing happiness.