To All My Single Ladies

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." - Sex in the City







The obstacles we face day to day.


It’s single awareness season. You can’t run from it, because it’s all over your newsfeed. Everyday friends are posting new pictures of their coupledom, and changing their relationship to engaged or married. And some are even giving birth to little adorable babies… meanwhile, back at the ranch, I…. well…. I am enjoying the single life. [Blank stare]


With all the love in the air, it kind of makes it hard for single women to breathe. I could be patient and wait for that day when I will be in a committed relationship, but its getting a little harder to put these feelings on a backburner because you’re home girls are dropping like flies. If everyone is married or having babies, where will that leave me in a couple years? Well, in order not to get depressed I decided to write about it. I decided to turn my Idiotic Asylum into a haven for the single, the bitter, the stir crazy and the I-don’t-need-a-man-because-I’m--An-Independent-Woman women. This is my journey and you may be able to relate or you may not. But hopefully you will gain something as I discuss things that many women are trying to overcome.


First up… INSECURITIES. My biggest insecurity is my butt. I look at it in the mirror and I curse it. If only my butt were bigger, I would have a man by now! I know it sounds crazy, but this happens when I am looking for something to blame. Well, maybe it’s my walk. I should try to walk sexier. Or maybe it’s my hair; a lot of guys don’t like girls that wear weave. Or maybe I should lose weight. Or maybe it’s my skin tone! You know light skin isn’t ‘in’ anymore!


I have come to the realization that I am single because I just haven’t met the right person yet. I try to find physical flaws about my self and pin point that as the reason. When in all actuality, none of these things matter. I see my friends getting married and I ask myself ‘what’s wrong with me’? But I truly believe that it's simply due to the fact that I haven’t met my match yet. If my flaws were the reason why I am single, then no one would be married because we all are FLAWED.


We all have a potential mate out there. Even if you have a face that only a mother could love. I know I am not the only one who does this, but when you are out you may see a girl who looks busted, and I mean tore up from the floor up, and she has a man! So, then you ask yourself ‘How does she have a man and I don’t?’ It’s because there is someone out here for everyone. Pretty, not so pretty, tall, small, big, fat; there is someone out there for you. So this is why we shouldn’t beat ourselves up, obsessing about our blemishes. Because the right guy for you is going to love you and your blemishes.


What I am trying to belabor is, as single women, we should practice having confidence; remembering that confidence and arrogance are two different things. Know who you are, love who you are and accept who you are.


There are no rules to love. If someone wants you, they want you. You don’t have to do back flips, and you don’t have to study Steve Harvey’s book 'Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man'. You just have to be yourself (while working on being a better YOU each day). Not only that, but you must also know when a guy is just not that into you and learn how to let it go! (And sometimes, we learn the hard way.)


Then there is ‘the place to meet hot guys’ and I have been there. I have been to the happy hours, the clubs, the house parties, meet ups, volunteering, lunch dates... you name it. And I still haven’t met the right person. I do believe it’s important to put yourself out there but I also believe that it will come when you least expect it. Strategically placing yourself in certain environments may increase your chances of meeting someone but ultimately it will happen when it’s meant to happen. You can’t force it to happen. It may take a week, or it may take years, all you can do is wait. And while you’re waiting, I would recommend dating, but just don’t settle.


The older I get, this saying seems to become more and more apposite. ‘Men are like parking spots... All the good ones are taken’. It does seem like all the good ones are taken. And when I say good ones I am referring to the overall GOOD GUY, including looks, ambition, finances, and personality. You can be a great guy but if I am not attracted to you we can’t take anything to the next level. I don’t want to come off as being shallow. Trust, I have dated my share of unattractive guys. And if I am going through this dating process, I would prefer it to be with someone I enjoy looking at. And what I would consider attractive may not be what others consider attractive. At the end, it’s all about what you like as an individual.


And please, take heed to the advice given from your friends. I am sick and tired of my friends giving me dating advice telling me to go after what I want and approach the guy. NO! Why would I do something that is completely out of my character? If you are a girl that doesn’t mind approaching a guy, to each his own. I don’t mind giving a guy hints, or making the first move (i.e. starting a conversation) but I won’t pursue a guy. I would much rather date a guy who pursues me, that is what I like and that’s what I expect from a guy. To be the aggressor.


You can't take advice from all your friends. Do you have that friend who always tells you what she would do if she was in your situation, but she wouldn’t practice what she preached? ‘Girl…. If that was my man, I would have left him a long time ago!’ But she will be the same person who gets beat, cheated on and lied to, and won’t leave her own man… Yeah, don’t listen to girls like her.


Also, don’t let your friends make you feel bad for wanting to be in a relationship. It’s natural to want a companion. And to suppress your feelings isn’t going to necessarily change how you feel. However, I wouldn’t want it to consume you either. Life goes on, whether you have a man or not.


There are many other obstacles that come up when dating other than physical and personality, such as income, spiritual beliefs, distance, age. It’s just a matter of all the pieces fitting nicely in the puzzle. You can’t force it. I believe in letting love find you.

Life Notes

Nothing is too wonderful to be true, if it be consistent with the laws of nature.
- Michael Faraday

The truth is that a man’s life consists not in the abundance of the things which he possesses – Luke 12:15. Life is more than clothing, eating, drinking and money. Wealth is not the greatest good. It is just a tool and as all tools it should be in our hands and not in our hearts. Wealth is not the greatest rest, it is not the greatest happiness. It is not the ultimate blessing or the unconditional sign that God is with us.
-Tenny Thomas


I came to the conclusion long ago … that all religions were true and also that all had some error in them, and whilst I hold by my own, I should hold others as dear as Hinduism. So we can only pray, if we are Hindus, not that a Christian should become a Hindu … But our innermost prayer should be a Hindu should be a better Hindu, a Muslim a better Muslim, a Christian a better Christian.

- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

I worship God as Truth only. I have not yet found Him, but I am seeking after Him.

 - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

People often say "You never know what you have until its gone". I believe a better statement is "You never know what you have been missing, until it arrives."

A man cant ride your back unless you bend it.

Good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

If you're going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.

I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it.

All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also the for the interest of others.
 (Philippians 2:3-4)

"Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today."
- Malcolm X

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
- Joseph Campbell

“The way to find out about happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you are really happy — not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy. This requires a little bit of self-analysis. What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. This is what is called following your bliss.”
 - Joseph Campbell

“I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.”
- Joseph Campbell

"While in a state of philosophic pessimism and general depression of spirits about my prospects, I went one evening into a dressing-room in the twilight to procure some article that was there; when suddenly there fell upon we without any warning, just as if it came out of the darkness, a horrible fear of my own existence. Simultaneously there arose in my mind the image of an epileptic patient whom I had seen in the asylum, a black-haired youth with greenish skin, entirely idiotic, who used to sit all day on one of the benches, or rather shelves against the wall, with his knees drawn up against his chin, and the coarse gray undershirt, which was his only garment, drawn over them inclosing his entire figure. He sat there like a sort of sculptured Egyptian cat or Peruvian mummy, moving nothing but his black eyes and looking absolutely non-human. This image and my fear entered into a species of combination with each other. That shape am I, I felt, potentially, nothing that I possess can defend me against that fate; if the hour for it should strike for me as it struck for him. There was such a horror of him that it was as if something hitherto solid within my breast gave way entirely and I became a mass of quivering fear. After this the universe was changed for me altogether. I awoke morning after morning with a horrible dread at the pit of my stomach, and with a sense of the insecurity of life that I never knew before, and that I have never felt since. It was like a revelation; and although the immediate feelings passed away, the experience has made me sympathetic with the morbid feelings of others ever since."
– William James

The Almighty Dollar

"Cash Rules Everything Around Me. C.R.E.A.M. Get the money. Dollar, dollar bills y'all." – Method Man

Money Over Everything.

Everyday I’m Hustling.

Steady Getting Paper.

 We praise you, Almighty Dollar. 

Sounds crazy, right? I’m praising money. In fact I worship it. No, I don’t light candles and sacrifice a lamb to the Almighty Dollar, but I pursue it. I need money. I want money. You see, we may not realize it but a majority of us have the propensity of making the Almighty Dollar our God. I didn’t realize how much I loved money until I started going to church and the issue of paying tithes came up. Initially, I felt as if paying tithes was just a part of the churches get rich scheme. Why on earth would God put in the bible to give 10%? How did they even come up with that percentage?

Well, to make a long story laconic, at one point I was paying my tithes and then I stopped. I was now able to take that 10% that would have went to the church and spend it on myself. I was so excited to be able to keep this money. But something funny happened. For some reason I never got a chance to see the extra 10% that I was now able to keep. It would just evaporate. I didn’t know where my money was going. I would get paid and a few days later I would be close to $0 in the bank account. 

And then I had an epiphany. No matter if you think paying tithes is just a bunch of BS someone made up or not… paying your tithes is a test of your faith. Who are you going to put your trust in? The dollar or God? It took a lot for me to get back on track but one of my New Year resolutions was to pay my tithes faithfully. I am not going to sit here and say now that I pay my tithes I have been blessed with more money. No, that hasn’t happened. But I can say that I am not struggling. I pay my tithes and I can still pay all my bills, go shopping, have a little fun and even put a few dollars away in savings. I’m not hurting. I learned a valuable lesson; walk by faith and not by sight. Even when your bank account says you can’t, God says you can. And if you trust in him, well, he is going to take care of everything else. It’s a test of your faith. And even if some greedy priest added the whole 10% tithe passage into the bible, I don’t think God is going to hold it against you, if you show him that you are trying to follow what is written in the bible. In fact, I think he will be impressed by your willingness to serve him. But you must believe that the bible is guileless, its the only ground you have to stand on as a Christian. 

And then I came across this verse in the bible: 'But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.’ (Matthew 6:33) and I realized then, that so many of us have our priorities in the wrong order. In this verse, Jesus pretty much says that all you need to do is seek God, and he will give you everything else. So when I sign-on to Facebook and I read down my timeline, I realize that so many of us are chasing after the wrong things. I am sure you have seen it. The Facebook statuses that read ‘I’m chasing this paper’, ‘Money over everything’, and all that other noise. We can declare our love for money but when it comes to declaring our love for God we become reticent. What they really should be saying is ‘I’m chasing God’, ‘God over everything’, and all that praise. The bible says that you cannot severe two Gods: "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." (Matthew 6:24) But we can’t see that. We are too blind in this land of the living dead. We want money because it provides a false guarantee of ease, treasures and power. We want the material things that ostentatiously declares superiority. The diamonds. The cars. The clothes. But the bible talks about that too. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21) 

And just to make things a little more clear, I want to reference a few definitions. One of Webster Dictionaries definitions of God is ‘a person or thing of supreme value’. Webster defines worship as ‘to regard with great or extravagant respect, honor, or devotion’.

We say we believe in God but what we really believe in is the money. On this earth, wealth seems to be the answer for everything. But it’s all an illusion and its not perennial. You will never be satiated with riches alone. Money doesn’t buy you happiness. It can provide you with convenience and luxuries, but happiness comes from within. And as we see with so many celebrities, wealth is sometimes onerous, pulling them farther away from God.  I am not saying having money is a bad thing. But having a penchant for money will corrupt your heart. 

I recommend you also read: http://ds-wa.org/who-rules-our-lives-today-god-or-money-by-tenny-thomas.html