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Thursday, January 1, 2015

In 2015... I'm rolling that dice.

 My New Year’s Resolution 


"Nothing is too wonderful to be true, if it be consistent with the laws of nature."
- Michael Faraday




If you have been following my blogs, you would notice that I’ve changed a lot. My blogs a few years ago reflected my religious views and the way I thought society wanted me to be. I discussed topics on gay marriage, religion without sacrifice and the love of money. Well, if you read my latest blogs today you will see that over time, I've change. Comparing some of my blogs, I would appear to be a bit hypocritical. I even shock myself at times when I read my blogs from 2012. I am like “Damn, was that really me?” Even outside of religion I found that my viewpoints have changed but a lot of my internal issues have remained the same. I have a blog where I wrote about me trying to please everyone in an attempt to be accepted by everyone. And despite me writing that over two years ago I still find myself in that mind-set. While I do believe that I have become more aware of who I am, I am still struggling with the ability to be completely WHO I AM. Even with my own blog I fear expressing some of my views due to possibly disappointing some of my readers.

So, with all the changes and a New Year, I thought “Why not blog about my New Year’s Resolution?” I had some trouble determining exactly what would be my resolutions for the New Year until I read a blog by Heather Havrilesky who writes for New York Magazine. One of her first blogs for NY Magazine was a response to a reader that asked ‘Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?’ and Heather basically summed it up to ‘You don't cherish yourself, so you put up with men who don't either’. While I didn’t necessarily read the blog to help me determine my New Year’s Resolution, I found a few points Heather made very applicable.  So I decided to use her blog as the basis for my New Year’s resolution.

A lot of women out there are afraid of being something. The template for us is pretty clear: We are meant to have clean skin, a pleasant demeanor, and a nice rack. I'm not speaking up against nice racks, Lord knows. But there are lots of ladies around me, everywhere I go, who hesitate to say what they're thinking and feeling. They go with the flow, they never make waves. And eventually, they don't even seem to know what makes them who they are. They live to serve. They read the books that other people are reading. They say the pleasant things that other people are saying. They never put their needs first, unless it indirectly serves someone else — a manicure, some highlights. They make sure everyone around them is 100 percent satisfied. Like grocery-store managers. Like customer service reps. Like masseuses who also give free happy endings.
- Heather Havrilesky
Ask Polly: Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?
NY Magazine

So, I said all that shit above to say this… I’ve changed. I’m still changing. And all my changes in 2015 will be to benefit me and who I am. So here are my Top Five (in true Chris Rock fashion) New Year’s Resolutions:

1) Be me. Entirely. As long as I am fine with who I am, fuck what anyone else thinks. I've struggled with trying to please people all my life. Heather really inspired me to be crazy, if I feel like it. Dance if I feel like it. Cry if I feel like it. Hell, even knock a few books over and then take a seat rather than pretending to be calm and subdued because the people around me expect that behavior from me.

2) Travel... For life’s precious moments. So far I have a Bachelorette Party in Vegas and a Wisconsin Lake House trip booked.  So if you want me to travel out of the country with you, this is the year to do it. I’m definitely planning to go to another continent.

3) Health. I am going be 29 soon and I want to look and feel my best entering my 30s.

4) Remain single. My goal is to just date a lot and be more open minded. Take things slow and really try to get to know the guys I meet. Play the field and learn more about what I want in a partner. Improve myself in order to be a good, loving, stable companion.

5) Parler Francais. Become fluent in French. I’ve been learning French for 10 years now. Why am I not bilingual yet? Ugh.

I will post a quarterly update to let you know how I am doing with my New Year’s resolutions. I have a lot of other goals this year which includes helping my dad open his restaurant, work with a nonprofit volunteering, find a new job, over celebrate birthdays, and make lots and lots of happy memories.



This year, anything is possible!!!



So what is your New Year’s resolution?

"I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night- there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest."
— Marilyn Monroe


2 comments:

  1. Good post Shellz! I think is so easy to fall into the trap of pleasing others, but it's to the detriment of losing ourselves. I believe the best change I made last year was losing what people would think of me for letting go of a prestigious Engineering degree and job to go back to school to follow a fashion career. But I couldn't have made a better decision for myself. And I plan to make more decisions liek that this year. It's all about becoming the best me I can this year and going after what I want! I say all that to say live your life boo. Those who can't accept the changes you make weren't meant to be there anyway :) Happy new year to you. I pray all your resolutions come true.

    -Ali

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  2. That is so interesting because I never thought that people would judge you negatively for that. I always admired that! Changing your career path takes courage and if it doesn't work out you have a engineering degree to fall back on. I am glad I have a friend like you to inspire me! XOXO

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