Saturday, December 20, 2014
Blind Spot - The Illusion of Love
In my 28 years of life I've seen a lot of fucked up relationships. I, myself, have been in a few relationships that really should’ve never been. My mother separated from her husband and, although I wasn’t born yet to witness it, my grandmother separated from her husband too. So I didn’t necessarily have great relationship role models to look up to. However, my mother taught me one valuable lesson – if it isn’t working, leave.
After observing many relationships and being that I am much wiser now, I know so much more about what a good relationship should consist of. Right now, if a guy wanted to date me, there would have to be no games involved. Of course, the first few weeks may have a little bit of fuzz, because that is the time you initially spend getting to know each other. But after a couple months, if you want me, your actions should say it all. I don't plan on guessing about your feelings for me. I don't want to read between any lines. You shouldn't tell me how much you want to be with me... you should show me. Of course, there will be some guys that will only want to be casual friends, and I am fine with that too. As long as he is honest about it. But when it comes to playing games with my heart… Frankly, I don't have time for that shit! And ladies - neither should you!
I think most able-minded people know when they are not in a good relationship. Most people know when they are chasing a hopeless dream. Most people know when the person they are interested in is a bit shady. But what keeps them in these relationships? What keeps people pursuing someone that they know isn’t good for them? Someone that you know doesn't have your best interest in mind? Yes, some people are attracted to the "bad boy" type. The guys/girls that you know will ultimately break your heart. I was too… when I was like 16!!!! But for a fruitful, loving, long lasting relationship… why do we entertain those that we know will only cause havoc in our lifes?
I know there are always exceptions to the rule, but when I look at my friends and family members who I believe are in healthy relationships, I can see the compatibility. I can see the love. I look at them and I am left in awe of how the universe created these two people that are nearly perfect for one another. And then, there are my friends and family members who are going after men/women who they know deep down aren't good for them. And all I can do is grin and smile because when it comes to affairs of the heart people aren’t rationale and disregard outside advice. You can tell them over and over "look, we saw him at dinner with another woman making out in the back seat of his car… You should probably leave this guy!" and they still won't budge. They'll talk to him. Get mad. He'll make promises to change. And like clockwork... She is blinded again.
I've seen women, even from a young age, settle. Settle for the next best thing. Settle for the first man that pays them attention. Settle for the closest thing that resembles love. Deep down, they may know he isn't the right person for them. Deep down, they know that they deserve better. But they decided to stay.
Desperation is a motherfucker. Most people won't admit they are desperate. Some people won't even realize it until they have the chance to look back on a situation. But why else would you settle for someone that treats you poorly? Why else will you accept mediocrity? Is it because you are afraid that you will probably never meet anyone else?
One thing I know for sure is that God, The Universe, The Higher Energy (or whatever you want to call it) is working with you. And I know that the Universe didn’t create you just to leave you stuck in a miserable relationship. What’s the point of that? I mean… think of the real reasons of a relationship – love, happiness, companionship, support, friendship, and stability. If a relationship is bringing you more pain than joy, you need to reevaluate things. A relationship shouldn’t be forced in order to fill some void. If it feels like the Universe is trying to pull you two apart, why fight it?
Self-esteem has a lot to do with it and unfortunately for women, men are hunters... They can smell your vulnerability from a mile away. They prey on it. When I first met my ex, he said everything that would help let my guard down. Guys will tell you whatever you want to hear in the first few weeks or months of dating. While some will actually mean what they say, a lot of them will not. So I encourage taking your time when dating. Approach it as if he or she is a friend that you are trying to get to know better. Try to really get to know the person. And if you are someone who attaches your vagina to your heart, try to wait a while before having sex. With my ex, I wish I would have waited longer before jumping in head first. I wish I would have tried to know him for who he truly was versus what we wanted to represent. This probably would have prevented some heart break for me.
Why settle for someone who doesn’t love you when you can find someone that loves you unconditionally?
Why settle with someone who doesn’t call you when you can find someone who can’t go a single day without finding out how your day has been?
Why settle for someone who only wants to get to know you on the surface level when you can find someone that wants to know your deepest fears so that he can prevent these fears from happening?
Why settle for someone who only looks out for his best interest when you can find someone who considers you when he is making plans for his future?
The proof is in the pudding. I am a strong believer that if you have to question if its love, it’s not. There is nothing confusing about love. It should feel natural and unforced. As cliché as it sounds, it should truly fit in your life like a missing puzzle piece.
When it comes to love, or more so - the illusion of it, some people form a blind spot. They can’t see the person for who he/she truly is. Love often times is accompanied with denial. But the heart never lies. Sometimes you get that feeling that won’t go away… that feeling that something is not right. And as much as you try to ignore it, suppress it, prove that it wrong… IT WILL NOT BUDGE. Sometimes we are afraid of acknowledging this feeling due to a fear of being alone. But I believe the universe is telling you not to settle because they have something even better in store for you. Someone that is your true soul mate. The best is yet to come.
For my blog about Limerence, the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, please click here.