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Sunday, February 22, 2015

Why am I single?

To all my single ladies...

Have you ever asked yourself “Why am I single?”


This Valentine’s Day I had a little soiree at my place for all my single friends. And as we sat around watching a movie, I looked around the room and asked myself “Why are we single?” I have a great group of friends and I think every one of them brings something to the table. All of my friends are different. All of them have their great qualities and their setbacks, like every women. But what is it about us that has kept us with no ring on the finger?

Recently, I was reading a blog where the writer attempted to address why so many successful [more so black] women are single. I know people often say that it’s because successful woman intimidate men. While that could be the case, I doubt that the “intimidation” factor is the sole reason why so many successful woman are single. The blogger suggested that successful women aren’t single because men are intimated by them, but rather, these woman must have some issues that they are unaware of.

Hmmm… some issues that we are unaware of? What could this be? So I started asking myself, what do I think is keeping me single? While I do consider the fact that it could just be that I haven’t met the right person for me. You know, bad timing. I haven’t been at the right places at the right time. But what about women that are single in their late 40’s and 50’s that have never been married? Is it all just ‘bad timing’?

I’ve read articles that say that women need to be more open. For me, that is a check in the box. I will date any creed and any color, as long as I felt a connection. But are other women doing the same? Do you have a long list of “what you want in a man?” What race he should be? What religion? What height? What profession? Hey... These things are important! But realistically, how long can this list be while still having eligible bachelors that qualify?

I believe everyone should have a standard. But some woman have standards that are way too high and quite superficial. For instance, I met a young lady that said she wouldn't date anyone under 6 ft. I was a bit stunned by that. Why the height requirement? What if the guy was 5’11 but absolutely amazing? Nope… she said that she wouldn't budge! I have my own deal-breakers… one that is probably as shallow as the 6 ft. rule. But I think we all have our preferences… we just have to try to remain realistic.

So, I’ve recently looked in the mirror and asked myself. What do I think I can change about myself to help me with potentially meeting someone? What do I think is in my control that I can change to help me in the love department? So, this may sound shallow, but the answer came to me in the gym while lusting for this hottie working out. I looked at him and I said to myself “My God! Why have thy forsaken me!” This guy was gorgeous. And I watched him put in the work day after day in the gym. He makes that investment in himself. He puts that time and attention aside for himself... to be fit... to be healthy and it made me admire him. It made me want to do the same for myself.

So, since then, I have been putting more effort in me. People can look at you can tell if you love yourself. If you exude self-confidence. Self-love. Self-happiness. And I am trying to be all encompassing. I believe that maybe this is an element that may have been there before, but now I am letting it cultivate.


As aforementioned, SINGLE-ISM could all be due to timing. However, there are certain things that is in our control. And when we realize that things aren't necessarily going the way we've initially planned, we may have to reanalyze the situation and ask some questions. What can I do to change/improve my certain situation/chances?

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